Trojan Mice

On my way walking to the junior school, I nearly stepped on a used condom. Gross! But...responsible. Good for that guy, practicing safe sex. About 10 steps later, another one is lying on the ground. Gross! But...normal. A lot of guys here have multiple partners (wives and/or girlfriends). Okay, cool, he's not leaving anyone out. A few more steps. Gross! Jeez, do they sell Viagra here? A few more steps. ...Gross!? This guy is...8 years old. I had an 8 year old offer me condoms. Hahaha.

Change of subject.

Mice. They are a problem. They disturb my sleep. They eat my food. They poop everywhere. When they die, the legacy that they leave behind is that God awful smell.

It all started a few months ago. They like to come in through the holes between my roof and the walls. They crawl around making all kinds of racket - sometimes they fight each other. They even become so bold as to crawl on me in my sleep. That definitely crosses the line. But, on the other side of the line lay two shiny new mousetraps I received in a care package. 6 dead mice in 4 days. Problem solved.

Or was it?

Months later, I received a shipment of gold in the mail.... the salty, savory, salivating substance known as Cheezits. I went through an entire box in a day, with more to spare. I secure the rest of the gold in the trunk. At least I thought it was secure. At 3 AM, I hear the distinct chirping noise. I ignore it. It continues...

Finally, I awaken from my slumber, annoyed that this little rat has no manners. I flick on the flashlight and I see him darting towards a little crack in the lid of my truck. Crap, I didn't shut the trunk all the way. He scurries off. But wait, he dropped something. Holy crap. It's a tiny, naked, squirming...alien? No. Its, its, its... a baby. Dammit. That mouse has a got a lot of nerve. Trying to make a nest in my trunk. Trying to steal me Lucky Charms. I stood there for a couple minutes, completely dumbfounded. I looked down and the baby was gone. Sneaky. I hear a faint squeaking noise emanating from the trunk. I completely empty it in a mad rage and I find... two more baby rats!

My initial thought was to torch the whole place. That should get rid of them. On second thought, bad idea. It's dry season; I might end up torching the whole village. After a couple minutes deliberating, I scoop them up with one of those little plastic Gatorade scoops and toss them over the fence. I knew that would come in handy one day. Afterwards, I lock the trunk and put about 20 pounds of books on top, just in case this mouse is ridiculously strong, or happened to slip on my host brother's swiss dragon boots.

Back to sleep. Mama mouse didn't come back. Ha!